It can happen to you. Or to a big, strong football player.

I’ve been paying a lot of attention to domestic violence these days because we’ve had in my own chosen state of Connecticut two horrific cases where one estranged husband shot and killed his estranged wife (and then turned the gun on himself)  and one estranged husband kidnapped his estranged wife and held her for 13 hours until she escaped. He then, say police, set fire to his house.

The cases made the front page of my local newspaper, and we’re still talking about them. In the first case, the woman worked where I work, though I’d never met her.

These are horrible examples of men using violence to seek to keep their women close by. What we don’t talk about — much — is when the tables are turned, and a woman abuses a man, either physically or emotionally. The case of Steve McNair — who, it says here, once taped an anti-suicide prevention public service ad — is a sad reminder that violence goes both ways, and that it hits all income levels. Though young and poor women tend to be more vulnerable to domestic (or intimate) violence — and a relationship’s end seems to heighten the awful possibility – the pain doesn’t sidestep nice surburbs, or former professional football players.

If you or someone you know is in a vulnerable situation, there is help locally. You can call 911, or a local hotline. Go to Google, and type in “domestic violence” and your state, or your town. There are people there who are trained to help you.

That’s short-term. Long-term, we are hammered with violent messages from the moment we emerge from the womb. We are taught that there just may come a time when violence is the answer — be it intimately or globally. Simplistic though it may sound, we desperately need to start changing that message.