My favorite frog story, ever

t2And I actually collect frog stories, so that’s saying something.

I have come to know some of the readers of this blog — known their trials, their tribulations, their triumphs, even — and yet none of the stories I’ve heard has touched me as much as this one, from frequent reader Jac:

I have a 12-year-old frog living in my house.

My son wanted a pet back when he was 5, and the frog seemed like a safe-enough choice at the time. Since he had asthma (my son), furry animals were not an option. I thought I had found the perfect solution when I saw that bright-colored “Grow-A-Frog” box with the cute cartoon on a shelf in the toy store.

My son would gain a pet and learn all about the life cycle of a frog: tadpole to frog to frog spirit up in heaven. And, since it wouldn’t be around for long, we wouldn’t have to worry about a strong attachment developing. I was sure that the whole deal would last no more than a year.

Boy, was I wrong!

First off, there was no tadpole in the box. They had to send it to us through the mail, and since they couldn’t send tadpoles through the mail in the winter, they first sent a cute, tiny “froglet.” We also received a warning that once the tadpole arrived, it should be kept in a separate tank from the froglet because sometimes even cute, tiny froglets get hungry and eat tadpoles.

That should have been the first red flag, but I ignored it and bought a second tank from the Grow-a-Frog people.

But guess what? You get a free froglet when you buy an extra container! By the time we had successfully grown a frog, we had several tanks going with four various-sized frogs. Over the last 12 years we’ve spent hundreds of dollars on various containers, filters (that never work because frog poo is more than fish filters can easily handle) frog “magic clap hands” (but we only bought that once because frogs can’t clap under water), gravel, food, food, and more food at $15 a shipment.

We are down to one frog and the best we can tell, it’s Mr. Professor. My son was really into science and I suppose at 5, that sounded like a scientist’s name.

The thing is, my son will be off to college in about a year and a half and Mr. Professor is still going strong. He’s slimy, smelly, and not very affectionate — all in all, a lousy pet. I never thought to check the life span of my purchase — big mistake!

I have to admit, I have secretly hoped that he wouldn’t make it through our longer vacations, but every time we’ve returned, he’s bobbing there, staring back at us ready to gobble up more food. He’s gigantic now and not at all tiny and cute. He certainly looks nothing like the cartoon on the box.

My mother-in-law suggested that we release him into the creek in back of her house, but I figured that would make me liable for creating some new hybrid species. I imagine giant frogs coming up out of the sewers and people wondering, “Who is responsible for this?”

And, as a “Dating Jesus” reader, you know that frogs have a pretty bad reputation in the Bible.

A few months ago, I decided to Google this frog and find out how long the species was expected to live. Thirty years. 30. Can you believe it? And these are dangerous frogs if they’re released into the wild. They are actually illegal in some states. I never knew these things and there are no warnings on the harmless-looking box. To get an idea of how resilient these frogs are, CBS did a news story and the regional manager of the California Department of Fish and Game said, “You can’t poison these frogs. You can’t blow them up There’s no way to get rid of them.” Fox had the headline: Killer Meat-Eating Frogs Terrorize San Francisco.

No joke.

That leaves few options for me since killing an exotic pet is illegal in Connecticut and releasing the frog could cause the end of our ecological systlem as we know it. I have no other choice but to move to Arizona or California, where police stations accept these frogs. Or perhaps “Dating Jesus” readers could pray for a spot for Mr. Professor (and soon) in Froggy Heaven.

Published by datingjesus

Just another one of God's children.

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9 Comments

    1. Read them and memorized them. Are we talking about the Notorious Jumping Frog of Calaveras County?

    1. Jac, I am sure Just Jss is not suggesting what you think. But yes. Frog legs, at least, do taste like chicken. Or maybe it’s chicken that tastes like frog legs.

  1. They do indeed taste like chicken — when fried.
    But, I like this story, so rather than recipes, a song:

    Frog(gie) Went A-Courtin’ (Dylan version)

    1. Frog went a-courtin’, and he did ride, Uh-huh,
    Frog went a-courtin’, and he did ride, Uh-huh,
    Frog went a-courtin’, and he did ride.
    With a sword and a pistol by his side, Uh-huh.

    2. Well he rode up to Miss Mousey’s door, Uh-huh,
    Well he rode up to Miss Mousey’s door, Uh-huh,
    Well he rode up to Miss Mousey’s door.
    Gave three loud raps and a very big roar, Uh-huh.

    3. Said, “Miss Mouse, are you within?” Uh-huh,
    Said he, “Miss Mouse, are you within?” Uh-huh,
    Said, “Miss Mouse, are you within?”
    “Yes, kind sir, I sit and spin,” Uh-huh.

    4. He took Miss Mousey on his knee, Uh-huh,
    Took Miss Mousey on his knee, Uh-huh,
    Took Miss Mousey on his knee.
    Said, “Miss Mousey, will you marry me?” Uh-huh.

    5. “Without my uncle Rat’s consent, Uh-huh
    “Without my uncle Rat’s consent, Uh-huh
    “Without my uncle Rat’s consent.
    I wouldn’t marry the president, Uh-huh

    6. Uncle Rat laughed and he shook his fat sides, Uh-huh,
    Uncle Rat laughed and he shook his fat sides, Uh-huh,
    Uncle Rat laughed and he shook his fat sides,.
    To think his niece would be a bride, Uh-huh.

    7. Uncle Rat went runnin’ downtown, Uh-huh,
    Uncle Rat went runnin’ downtown, Uh-huh,
    Uncle Rat went runnin’ downtown.
    To buy his niece a wedding gown, Uh-huh

    8. Where shall the wedding supper be? Uh-huh,
    Where shall the wedding supper be? Uh-huh,
    Where shall the wedding supper be?
    Way down yonder in a hollow tree, Uh-huh

    9. What should the wedding supper be? Uh-huh,
    What should the wedding supper be? Uh-huh,
    What should the wedding supper be?
    Fried mosquito in a black-eye pea, Uh-huh.

    10. Well, first to come in was a flyin’ moth, Uh-huh,
    First to come in was a flyin’ moth, Uh-huh,
    First to come in was a flyin’ moth.
    She laid out the table cloth, Uh-huh.

    11. Next to come in was a juney bug, Uh-huh,
    Next to come in was a juney bug, Uh-huh,
    Next to come in was a juney bug.
    She brought the water jug, Uh-huh.

    12. Next to come in was a bumbley bee, Uh-huh
    Next to come in was a bumbley bee, Uh-huh
    Next to come in was a bumbley bee.
    Sat mosquito on his knee, Uh-huh.

    13. Next to come in was a broken black flea, Uh-huh,
    Next to come in was a broken black flea, Uh-huh,
    Next to come in was a broken black flea.
    Danced a jig with the bumbley bee, Uh-huh.

    14. Next to come in was Mrs. Cow, Uh-huh,
    Next to come in was Mrs. Cow, Uh-huh,
    Next to come in was Mrs. Cow.
    She tried to dance but she didn’t know how, Uh-huh.

    15. Next to come in was a little black tick, Uh-huh,
    Next to come in was a little black tick, Uh-huh,
    Next to come in was a little black tick.
    She ate so much she made us sick, Uh-huh.

    16. Next to come in was a big black snake, Uh-huh,
    Next to come in was a big black snake, Uh-huh,
    Next to come in was a big black snake.
    Ate up all of the wedding cake, Uh-huh.

    17. Next to come was the old gray cat, Uh-huh,
    Next to come was the old gray cat, Uh-huh,
    Next to come was the old gray cat.
    Swallowed the mouse and ate up the rat, Uh-huh.

    18. Mr. Frog went a-hoppin’ up over the brook, Uh-huh,
    Mr. Frog went a-hoppin’ up over the brook, Uh-huh,
    Mr. Frog went a-hoppin’ up over the brook.
    A lily-white duck come and swallowed him up, Uh-huh.

    19. A little piece of cornbread layin’ on a shelf, Uh-huh,
    A little piece of cornbread layin’ on a shelf, Uh-huh,
    A little piece of cornbread layin’ on a shelf.
    If you want anymore, you can sing it yourself, Uh-huh.

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