A respected British conductor went with his wife, Joan, to a Switzerland assisted-suicide clinic and together they drank a deadly combination of barbituates and died.
The conductor, Sir Edward Downes, was not known to be ill, but speculation is that he had wanted to die with his wife, who’d been diagnosed with terminal cancer. They’d been married for more than a half-century.
The clinic is run by Dignitas.
So. We have had this conversation in my family. I’ve watched loved ones linger and, in the process, wring the life out of family members. That was their choice, to fight to the (bitter) end, and I supported them, each one, but I am inclined to think it would be kinder to leave before I’ve exhausted my sons, my husbands, my brother, you name it. Of course, I say that without knowing if I will actually face the prospect of lingering.
Have you had this conversation? And if so, where do you fall?
Dating Jesus 
I voted for Physician Assisted Suicide three separate times in Oregon.
The idea that we give up our dignity and any right to decide our destiny so other people feel better seems silly to me.
Death is every person’s right.
I believe I fall on that side of the fence, too.
I read this story in the NY Times and came away feeling horribly sad, even though I respect the right to make this choice.
I believe that story said he was nearly deaf and blind and dependent on her to get around. At 48, I sometimes wonder how I would care for my husband if he ever became ill or disabled. I’m 5 feet tall and he is 6 feet 4 inches. I can’t maneuver him at all. It makes getting older feel a little scary.
As I age, I begin to realize why some older people seem so stinking grumpy. Age delivers a lot of new challenges — and questions like yours, how will I carry my larger husband, should the need arise. I think I really will be screaming at neighborhood kids to get off amy lawn.
“Death is every person’s right”
Yes. It seems like the most basic of freedoms to me. My husband and I do not want to be kept alive by machines and we are both clear on this. Unfortunately, I can imagine a Terri Shiavo debacle between my husband and my parents if something ever happened to me. They are adamantly opposed to the “right to die”
There are steps you can take, but in the end, it’s up to everyone to behave him/herself. I hope my family does that. I kind of think they will.
I think this is a difficult thing to decide in a broad way. Each individual situation should be considered separately. I don’t think that every person who wants to die, is capable of making that choice. Yet, I think some are completely capable and should be permitted to die with dignity on their own terms.
Sir Edward Downes’ choice to die with his wife, seems borderline to me and yet I, for some reason, think it was ok. When life is too miserable to bear and things are not going to improve, then maybe it’s ok. The question is whether things will improve and that’s a tough one sometimes. In some situations, we don’t know the answer to that.
I want to avoid thinking of this as a tragic love story, myself, but I agree with the assertion that if a person doesn’t see things getting better, well…and we can’t know how someone views his or her life and his or her prospects.
I think it’s easy for me to concur with a terminally ill patient who will endure much pain and linger and would prefer to die peacefully and quickly. For me, that decision should be made by the patient.
What about a physically healthy person who lives in emotional agony? Does that person have a right to die rather than endure each miserable day, too? Is suicide ok in that case, too? Suddenly, there is a different view. But, will things get better or won’t they? I think of Dr. Petit and his situation. I don’t know if I would have had the strength to continue on if I had been in his shoes, and I bet there were days when he didn’t want to endure the sadness of losing his whole family any more. Somehow, he survived and is surviving the mental and emotional anguish and turning his pain into political action. I don’t know much about him, but it’s people like him that can give someone else some hope. I just don’t know what I think of these situations. Pain comes in various forms. I guess the questions become: Is suicide ok to avoid extreme pain? Is suicide ok to end life when a terminal illness is involved? How long is lingering? days, months, years?
Tough stuff…
Tough questions, too, but I think only the person involved can answer that. For some people, the pain may be great, but they may also be absolutely dedicated to continuing on. For others? Well…
For others, sometimes deep depression clouds their view, and they can be helped but they don’t know that. In some cases, the person involved can’t see past the pain and needs someone else to step in and help them through it to better times. But, who decides what life has hope for better times and what life doesn’t? I can see both sides of this. Sometimes there is hope and the person in the midst of things doesn’t see it. I don’t know what I think about this – it’s definitely not black & white for me.
No, nor for me, though I lean toward letting the person make his or her own decision on this.
This is why I think we should always be motivated by easing the pain. We do whatever we can to offer hope and a future but ultimately, the decision belongs to the individual.
I have to believe this is the most basic of personal freedoms. When faced with a person who feels they are in too much emotional pain our only goal should be alleviating their suffering, not criminalizing their choice to die. Is it illegal to commit suicide? Or just to help someone do it?
Not surprisingly I find myself in agreement with my fellow DJ posters. This brought to mind a film I once saw, likely on tv, starring Betty Davis and Jimmy Stewart. It’s called Right of Way and is the story of an elderly couple who decide to end their lives together much to the consternation of their daughter. It’s available on Amazon and as I remember it, both intriguing and entertaining.
I don’t think I ever heard of it. New movie!
DJ, I bet most of us (all of us?) would try to talk someone out of jumping off a bridge etc. Deep down, there is the impulse to save life rather than let it end. Even though living in misery is not fair to expect of someone. We want to believe there is hope for everyone, right? Who are we as a people if we can’t give a desperate soul hope? Sometimes that desparate soul might even be yourself and deep down, you think that hope is something you’re suppose to find. Eventually, maybe through a lot of pain, you do find it. That’s what I found in my own life experience anyway.
However, when my grandfather was near his end, I whispered in his ear that I loved him and that it was ok to go. I didn’t want him to suffer or linger. I didn’t want him to be killed by dehydration (discontinuing fluids) though either.
I’m making no sense here. Onward…
I told my grandmother the same thing and then she died, and then I wanted to take it back. I mean, I knew that’s what you’re supposed to stay — so I said it — but I would have loved a few more years with her. I’m not making sense, either. Backward…
The big reason pro-lifers rally around Terri Schiavo is because 1) her husband was already dating another woman at that time (which means morally, he should have cut ties with his wife, who is in coma, since that presents conflict of interest when it comes to him deciding he wants to have Terri die) and 2) Terri never give the ok to let her die on her own. Basically, we believe in erring on the side of life.
Folks are also concerned her husband might have put her in the coma in the first place. Don’t know either way, but how he handled himself came off looking wrong and very suspicious to many folks, me included.
It is an issue even pro-lifers and Jesse Jackson made common cause on.
I remember that, Rev. Jackson chiming in. Tell me this, Truth: If Terri Schiavo had given her OK prior to this, would the pro-life group have chimed in, or would they have let her choose her own leavetaking? (Not sure how her husband’s bad behavior plays in, but OK).
Terri’s husband says they had that conversation and there’s no reason not to believe him. Even if we hadn’t had the conversation I would hope my husband would also try and do the humane thing. The courts found NO evidence of physical abuse and instead found that her injuries were a result of the cardiac arrest, fall and CPR. She also could have been pronounced DOA on arrival to the hospital but Michael insisted they try and revive her. It was only later, when he understood the extent of the death of her brain that he wanted to let her go. He didn’t start dating another woman until 18 months after she collapsed. I’ve told my husband numerous times to do the same.
I would hope my husband would date again, after my demise, etc. In fact, I hope he has better luck with his next partner, bless his heart.
Ok, I know what “bless his heart” means when a hillbilly says it. Do you mean to use the hillbilly version or the nice version that some New Englanders use as they refer to someone dear to them?
I believe in this case, I’m splitting it somewhere down the middle. After my death, I want my husband happy — just not too happy.
HAHAHA I have a mean little heart.