Category Archives: Modern life-as-we-know-it

Perhaps you’ve been watching the weather

dayaftertomorrowpic_1According to all kinds of reports, the Northeast is about to be buried in snow — which means if you want toilet paper and bread, you should have bought them yesterday.

So that means beyond empty grocery shelves, we are looking at that magical moment when neighbors who normally don’t speak will get out and shovel together, where everything stops, we walk down the middle of the street, and we all make snow angels.

It will be awesome. Strap on your snowshoes and come on over. I have chocolate!

In which I become sinfully wealthy

monopolyI’m probably going to win Powerball today (which stands at $1.5 billion, last time I checked and this be damned), and so I’m going to share my list of things I’ll do when I’m rich with you, the not-rich so that when I do win, you won’t come calling because I’ve already made plans for the cash:

  1. Divide the winnings with my husband. We already promised and this usually works in my favor as I haven’t won anything since I got that pink stuffed dog in second grade from the Carterville Carnival. And he wins stuff. A lot.
  2. Pay off some debts of family members. My debt’s fairly manageable — a few thousand here and here — but I’d like to spring a few family members from the dungeon so that they will forever owe me and if they then still do not like me, they will at least invite me over and stuff.
  3. Buy that house down the street that’s set on a ledge that would probably — if you stretch — allow you an ocean view. The sellers just lowered the price and though it’s still five times too expensive for me at my current financial state, as a lottery winner I will simply root around in my ashtrays and couch cushions,  and pay the thing off in a transaction we used to call “cash on the barrelhead.”
  4. My Hartford-bred husband said he’ll start a business in the capital city and pay people good wages with benefits. But he doesn’t have a lick of business sense and has no idea what kind of business he’d have, and neither do I. So he can take his part to figure out, and I will build affordable homes around the company. Again, in a sad attempt to be liked and noticed, I will name those homes “Susanville.”
  5. No: Make that affordable homes with all the support services necessary to keep a person in place, and I will name the homes “Awesome Susanville.”
  6. Share $50 to everyone who reads this blog. No, it’s not much, but it’s more than you started out with today, amirite?
  7. Eat out more, and pay everyone’s tab at various restaurants, because I can.*
  8. Buy random people cars, just because.*
  9. I’ll think of other things, but that’s it for now. I’d say good luck to you, but, well….
  • See reasons behind Numbers 2, and 4-6.

What is the “American dream?”

americandream_poll_1b-1Young people tend not to be so enthralled with the idea of white picket fence and 2.5 children, according to this Fusion 2016 Issues poll (and thanks, Leftover) for sending this. From the survey:

Thirty years ago, “freedom of choice in how to live one’s life” came out on top when young people were given a list of what defines the American Dream. Today, being able to start your own business came out on top, with 68% of respondents reporting that it was very much how they understood the Dream. That’s up 10 percentage points from 1986. That was followed closely by the ability to send your kids to college, which came in at 67%—down by 6 points since 1986.

Thank you, Bro. Matt Okine

download (1)Matt Okine won the ARIA best comedy release award in Australia, and used his acceptance speech to wonder where were the women in his category.

It’s this kind of thing that moves mountains. Go ahead, Bro. Matt.

Did you go shop in the wee hours?

I have family members who did. I even have some family members who pushed back from the table, skipped desserts, donned their ugly holiday sweaters, and shopped on Thanksgiving.

But I can imagine nothing I’d like less than battling the crowds only to find that 75-percent-off-whatever was sold already, and I will continue to applaud stores like REI, who remain closed on Thanksgiving and today. Surely we can not commercialize this holiday any more than we already have?

For all you Star Wars fans:

ANAHEIM, CA  APRIL 16, 2015: Star Wars fans dress in costumes with light sabers and pose for photos at the Star Wars Celebration held April 16-19 at the Anaheim Convention Center in Anaheim Thursday, April 16, 2015. (Allen J. Schaben / Los Angeles Times)

ANAHEIM, CA APRIL 16, 2015: Star Wars fans dress in costumes with light sabers and pose for photos at the Star Wars Celebration held April 16-19 at the Anaheim Convention Center in Anaheim Thursday, April 16, 2015. (Allen J. Schaben / Los Angeles Times)

Five leadership lessons from The Jedi.

You’re welcome.

The Gods (gods, gods, gods) of Egypt (egypt, egypt, egy…)

1516107599693223204OK. That was supposed to be an echo and I get points for trying.

Mike the Heathen sends this, a send-up of an upcoming movie called (yes!) The Immensely Caucasian Gods of Egypt. Oh, wait. I got the title wrong, but you get my meaning. Strangely, this group of thespians look precisely nothing like the real thing. For an example, the poster at the top is dreamy Gerard Butler, in the role of the Egyptian god, Set, whose image is just beneath that of Butler’s.

anubis-free-484I know! See the similarities?

But then, we can’t quite figure out what Jesus looked like, can we? Jesus of Hollywood usually is a dreamy Caucasian, too, and not at all representative of the ethnicity to which the actual Jesus belonged. But here: Enjoy the show:

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son-of-god-26191-1920x1080 jesus-big